A Wishful Caffinated Chat with Mom

I Love You Mom CoffeeThis post is inspired by my blogger friend Carol, who writes over at Writeful Mind. Carol was a classmate of mine when I decided to take my very first blogging course this summer and I have enjoyed watching her blog grow and and evolve over the last few months into something great. Carol had posted a ‘Retroactively Caffeinated Chat’ with her Grandfather‘, which sparked an idea for me.

Those few people out there in the blogosphere who actually follow my blog (Thank You!) may have noticed that I have been rather quiet lately. My quietness is due to the loss of my mother a little more than a month ago (a month and a week to be exact…but who’s counting??) and the resulting sadness that I can’t seem to shake. I was blessed to have a pretty awesome mom and her loss has left a huge hole in my life and I’m finding it hard to climb up out of it.

If Mom and I were having coffee right now…I would tell her how often I have wanted to call her in the last 5 weeks and tell her about this horribly sad thing that has happened and how I can’t stop crying. How someone I loved so very much was suddenly lost to me forever. And I’m not quite sure that I can go on without her. And even though she taught me so many things about how to live and how to love and how to be a good person and how to cook and how to make and do so many different things and how to care for animals and so much more…the list could go on and on…that I still don’t know it all and I still have questions that need answering. Who will answer all my questions now??

If Mom and I were having coffee right now…I would tell her how the world suddenly seems so much bigger and scarier and lonely without her in it. She always told me that she would love me no matter what and don’t worry what other people think. Well, what am I going to do now?? Who will love me now when I am not being very love-able or when I am scared and alone?? Don’t you know that I still need you??

If Mom and I were having coffee right now…I would tell her how I wasn’t able to celebrate my birthday very well without her and how very ‘not happy’ it was! My friends and Jame were good and dragged me out to a low key dinner…but it just wasn’t the same. No one called the next day to ask me what I got for my birthday this year…I can’t remember a year when you didn’t ask me what I got. I don’t think anyone else will ever care enough to ask me what I get for my birthday now.

If Mom and I were having coffee right now…I would tell her how I keep thinking of the last time I talked to you in the hospital and how I held onto your hand and kissed it while you were resting but now it scares me that I will never hold your hand or be hugged by you or kiss your cheek. And what if I will never see you again?? All my life I have thought of Dad in heaven and was sure I would one day see him and then I would get to be Daddy’s little girl…but what if I was wrong?? What if there is no heaven and I will never get to see you again?? I don’t want to live without you!!! I need you!!! I wasn’t ready….

If Mom and I were having coffee right now…I wouldn’t have to say a thing cause Mom would just reach over and pull me into her arms and hold me and dry my tears and hug me til I stopped crying. She would know my heart is broken without me having to say a thing. She would tell me that this sadness is normal because it really is sad to lose a loved one…but I can not live forever, silly girl! But that doesn’t mean I won’t be watching you and loving you and happy for all the good things in your life and watching over you in all the not so good things. I will be with you all the time and you can still talk to me…you just have to listen a little bit harder…

If Mom and I were having coffee right now…I would tell her I love you lots and lots and bunches and bunches Momma!

 

 

Wednesday’s Lyrics – Lord, I Need You

Wednesday LyricsToday’s post is in response to a weekly event at The Broken Spine called Wednesday’s Lyrics.

The idea is to post song lyrics to a song that has inspired or moved you. As well as a brief reason why you chose your particular song.

The song doesn’t necessarily have to be heard within the current week. It could be one that popped into your head from years long gone by, that somehow is never too far away from your thoughts or it can be a new one that has touched you. It can be the entire song or just a few lines.

This song happens to be a favorite of mine most of the time. Today though it was a major reminder of my inability to cope with what life deals. Yesterday we got news that my mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to her liver. My mom is not ‘old’ old but has been through a lot of medical stuff in the last 2 years or so…but we were hoping she was on the mend…it seems that is not the case.

I may technically be all grown up…but I (and I know my siblings feel the same way) am not done with Mom…I still need her. This song was and will be a reminder that I am going to need you Lord to get through this!

Lord, I Need You by Matt Maher

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You’re my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Wednesday’s Lyrics – Bless the Broken Road

Wednesday LyricsToday’s post is in response to a weekly event at The Broken Spine called Wednesday’s Lyrics.

The idea is to post song lyrics to a song that has inspired or moved you. As well as a brief reason why you chose your particular song.

The song doesn’t necessarily have to be heard within the current week. It could be one that popped into your head from years long gone by, that somehow is never too far away from your thoughts or it can be a new one that has touched you. It can be the entire song or just a few lines.

I heard this song the other day for the first time in a very long time and forgot how much I loved it. I am one of those people that can listen to a song that speaks to me over and over and over again for weeks or months at a time. Even as I write this post, I have it playing over and over again…lol…just for old time sake.

A few years back this was one of those songs that I probably wore out the track on the CD in my car. But at the time it was a song I needed to hear in order to work out the uncertainty in my own life at the time. It didn’t really help sort out my life, but was more of a reminder and a prayer that no matter what life had in store for me that it was going to be alright and God would use and bless whatever happens for his purpose.

Rascal Flatts – Bless the Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
(Yes He did)

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
(Yes He did)

Yeah.

Now I’m just rolling home
Into my lover’s arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

Boundaries

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Boundaries.”

Today I decided to check out The Daily Post for some blogging inspiration and stumbled across Weekly Photo Challenge which is Boundaries, which happened to be just the inspiration I needed!

I sort of have a thing for boundaries…mostly about crossing them. I am not a big fan of rules, and in my mind boundaries comes very close to sounding a whole lot like a rule to me. However, while browsing through my photos to find just the right one I noticed that I seem to have a lot of photos of various kinds of boundaries.

I love fence lines…especially ones that possibly contain horses. I like rock walls. Pathways that attempt to keep us on the straight and narrow. And of course, as someone who is drawn to all things animals, I am often at a zoo or some such place where there are so many kinds of boundaries that we put around animals in captivity to either keep them safe…or us safe from them. Continue reading

My Knitting Muse has returned…

In ProgressToday’s post is in response to Assignment #15 in Writing 101 of Blogging University. The assignment is to Take a Cue from your Readers. One of the results from my poll that I posted earlier in the course was for more knitting posts.

With the change in season from summer to fall and as soon as the days started to get cooler, suddenly my knitting muse returned!

I really love to knit but during the dog days of summer when I am just trying to do anything that will keep me from sweating, my knitting muse disappears and isn’t seen or s heard from again til the temperatures drop into at least the 60s and 70s.

While I haven’t wanted to actually knit, that doesn’t mean my head wasn’t thinking about knitting and knowing that I wanted to make something from my friend’s daughter who is due to have her baby in November. Continue reading

Wednesday Lyrics…One Friend

Wednesday LyricsToday’s post is in response to a weekly event at The Broken Spine called Wednesday’s Lyrics.

The idea is to post song lyrics to a song that has inspired or moved you. As well as a brief reason why you chose your particular song.

The song doesn’t necessarily have to be heard within the current week. It could be one that popped into your head from years long gone by, that somehow is never too far away from your thoughts or it can be a new one that has touched you. It can be the entire song or just a few lines.

This is an old country song that I have played over and over for years when thinking of a few good friends. Continue reading

Tuesday Tidbits

The joys of preparing to go away! I am furiously spending today cleaning and organizing and trying to make sure everything is in order before we venture off for our ‘big’ (I use this word loosely!) yearly vacation!

Each year we go down to Wildwood, NJ for the Roar to the Shore bike run. I am not a biker…and I’m not really sure my boyfriend is really a biker anymore…but regardless this is our ‘big’…3 day vacation each year. It is time near the ocean and to enjoy doing nothing for 3 whole days! Continue reading

So much to do…and so little time!

Wednesday Organization FrenzyI have been feeling so overwhelmed lately!! There is so much to do…and so little time! I have all these little (and not so little) projects that I want to get to, books to read, knitting projects to start (a few cool days and my knitting muse has returned!), online classes to work on, not to mention, a blog to write for…so many things vying for my attention and yet I can’t manage to work up any enthusiasm for anything lately. Such a weird combination of emotions!!

On Sunday, I happened to read a post on a blog I follow that  mentioned a 30 Days to a Happy Healthy Home challenge which I decided to join, hoping that it might inspire me to get some of those little (and not so little) projects accomplished. Continue reading

Saturday Smile #5

smile1Saturday Smile is a weekly feature hosted over on Feeding on Folly that I like to participate in because I think everyone can benefit from having more smiles in their life!

Today’s Saturday Smile post shares some images from two years ago (as well as more recently) when my youngest dog, Maggie Mae, first came home. Thanks to Facebook, I was reminded of ‘my memories’ this week and that my youngest dog we welcomed home on August 20, 2013! How time flies!!

Maggie Mae is an Australian Shepherd and just turned two at the end of June. She is a typical little sister, who enjoys tormenting her big brother, Sawyer Brown, at all times! She enjoys treats of all kinds, stealing the ball away from Sawyer Brown, and ‘giving kisses’ to her kitties, Oreo and Spencer. She has the most adorable little freckles on her nose…which mange to keep her out of any serious trouble, because you just look at that little face and you can’t stay mad at her for long!

Now for some cute puppy pics to make you smile on this Saturday…

Saturday Smile Maggie Mae

Join me and share your Saturday Smile. Don’t forget to tag your post #SaturdaySmile so we can all enjoy what makes you smile! Happy Saturday!

Weekly Pet Share

Tasty Thursday…

Cause it is late…and I am hungry…

Opting again to share in Tasty Thursday, an event hosted over at World and Time Enough. Where you think back on your week and pick the tastiest thing you ate. It can be from breakfast, lunch or dinner. It can be something you made, or something you bought. Sweet, savory, bitter, as long as you loved it!

Chicken & Rice soup

Chicken & Rice soup

One of my very favorite things to eat for lunch or dinner is Chicken & Rice soup. As a matter of fact, in my opinion, chicken and rice should be the basic ingredients of most meals. It’s not glamorous or fancy. It is just a good ole’ comfort food.

Naturally, seeing how it is summer and it has been very hot lately…soup is not high up on the list of things I want to eat when I am already hot and sweaty! However, yesterday, thanks to an unexpected cancellation from one of my pet sitting charges, I ended up with a much needed midday break. By midday or so I was done for the day and had the entire afternoon free and clear! An unheard of occurrence in my pet sitting world, in the middle of the summer, right before school goes back in session. All my clients seem to take advantage of the last few days of summer break to get out of town, leaving me in charge of their critters.

As it turns out, it was a great afternoon, filled with a little bit of cleaning (I gotta make it look good so that I don’t feel guilty while sitting in front of the computer!), some school work for an online course I am taking, blogging time and spending time with my own furry beasts. And since I was home and not running around like a crazy person, I was able to enjoy a relatively relaxing afternoon at home in the air conditioning, avoiding the heat. Which obviously led me to think soup would be a great idea for an easy dinner. In the cold weather, I practically live on this…so yesterday’s treat of a nice bowl of chicken and rice hit the spot!