One Word Inspiration…Love

Assignment #3 for Writing 101 at Blogging University is to select one word from the list below that speaks to you in some way. Have you always wanted to write about that wrong decision you made? Are you a long-term traveler looking for the right city to settle? Do you want to write a poem about your relationship?

• TREASURE
• REGRET
• HOME
• LOVE
• UNCERTAINTY
• SECRET

These are some good words and it is kind of difficult to pick just one…so I made a point of copying the list, thinking I might be coming back to some of these for inspiration at some point!

After some deliberation, I chose the word LOVE. After all, who doesn’t love love??

There are so many kinds of love…love of a friend, love of an animal, romantic love, love of a thing or place, love of so many thing different things. And all of kinds of love tend to bring about some measure of good feelings.

A quick internet search and you will find that there are various types of love:

• Eros, or sexual passion, is romantic, passionate, love
• Ludus or playful love, is a game-playing or uncommitted love
• Storge (STORE-gay) is a slow developing, friendship-based loved
• Pragma or longstanding love, is a pragmatic, practical, mutually beneficial relationship
• Mania is an obsessive or possessive love, jealous and extreme
• Agape (a-GOP-aye) or love for everyone, is a gentle, caring, giving type of love, brotherly love, not concerned with the self
• Philautia, or love of the self

I admit, that when I first went through the list, my mind jumped right to romantic love. I probably have some delusional notions of  romantic love sometimes. Yet, at the same time, I do consider myself a realist and realize that love takes work and sacrifice and patience and a sense of humor in order for it to survive.

My delusional thoughts are in the form of wanting the feelings and excitement and all the other good things that go along with ‘first love’ to show themselves in a love that is not so new anymore or that is ‘tainted’ (for lack of a better word) by the realities and bumps and bruises of living life.

As a 40-something unmarried woman, I see the differences in the relationships I had when I was younger, with the ones I have had later in life. When I was younger, I was in a long relationship with someone who I still consider to be my true love and that relationship was filled with all the best parts (and of course some not so best parts) of romantic love. And although we have both moved on (for better, or worse) and have gone on to have other relationships, I can see how I have changed in the way I love someone now. When that earlier relationship was over, I was devastated! And as much as I loved all the intense feelings and excitement that was in that relationship, I never wanted to feel that hurt and pain again.

Yet because I didn’t want to feel that devastating hurt again, I have made a conscious effort to guard my heart and not let myself love so much. But I think you lose something when you try to protect yourself. You can’t really capture the intense feelings or even the excitement if you guard your heart.

So instead of the devastating hurt that I  think I am protecting myself from, I instead get a relationship that is good and fun but sort of lukewarm. And in my heart, it aches for the intense connection that is somehow missing because I haven’t let myself love.

I miss loving with everything I have! I miss the moments that take your breath away! I miss the anticipation of seeing the one who makes your heart leap for joy!